The Imperfect Mother

The other day Thomas was out of sorts and informed me I was ruining his life because I wouldn't let me watch TV before school or play his DS or Wii during the week. I showed him no sympathy which lead to an overflow of complaining and whining. Meanwhile Jack was pulling at my leg begging me to fill up his sippy cup for the hundredth time that day and Kate was shouting "mom I need a pencil" as fast as she could from the kitchen table. I was somehow able to ignored Kate and Jack but Thomas' persistence managed to tear right through the little patients I had left and just like that an unkind word flew from my mouth and with fury blazing in my eyes I sent Thomas to his room crying. I hurried and got Kate a pencil from the drawer and gave Jack what he didn't need, only desired; another sippy cup full of milk. In that moment I was once again reminded I'm not anywhere near being a perfect mother.
Before having kids I swore I would not have whinny, demanding or impatient kids. I was going to handle every situation calmly and with the up most control. But the reality is; I have whinny, demanding and impatient kids far more often then I'd like to admit. And the only thing in control is their naughty behaviors.
I went to bed like I do many nights laden with a heavy dose of the 'should haves'. I should have been more patient, I should have just given in, I should have told him no, I should have said this or that and so on. Just when it seemed like I was going to drown in the pool of mothers guilt, perspective came to my rescue. I dried off my guilt and remembered that I am an imperfect person therefore I can not possibly get it right all of the time and even greater I realized that my imperfect mothering was a good, possibly even a great thing for my kids. I am good enough because I love and care for my children, but being the imperfect person that I am means I can't possibly satisfy every need and handle every situation perfectly. Perhaps even more important is that while my children wish for quicker service or a more delightful answer, it's the ordinary failures, the unpleasant answers that are perhaps preparing my children to be responsible, self reliant, caring and forgiving human beings. It is during these imperfect moments that I am motivating them to get what they need for themselves while teaching them to tolerate frustration and disappointment and ultimately to forgive others when they fall short.
The next morning I asked Thomas if he would forgive me for losing my patients with him the day before. He answered quickly by saying, "sure, I love you too mom." And that was it, short but full of love. It was in this sweet exchange that I realized I need to forgive myself more and perhaps it's in the moments of imperfection that we become perfect.