I have been on a serious clean out the last few weeks in preparation for the the homegoods swap party Jill and I are throwing. The clean out has been substantial and has created quite a mess. It started with pulling a few unused books off the shelf and grew into an all out unearthing of my cupboards and closets. Last week the mess was so bad you would have thought we were moving. It felt good to toss unwanted items over the banister and create "give away" piles.
I have always enjoyed the occasion purge now and then and the feeling of good will I get as I throw a bag into the DI trailer. But this most recent purging has left me feeling well, a bit bleak. Cleaning out not only un clutters your spaces but it also reveals your weaknesses and the fact that you have a few issues. It can be a bit painful. I found me saying to myself. "oh my, am I really like that."
So here's the revelation:
I like to be well stocked in case of an emergency. What's the saying-you can never have too many ____(whatever). I'm beginning to realize this statement should only apply to food, water, tampons and ponytail holders. During my clean out I found in various locations a total of 62 glue sticks. Keep in mind I don't scrapbook nor did I buy a huge jumbo pack of glue sticks at Costco. We do like to craft at my house but 62 glue sticks seems a bit excessive. You may think that glue sticks never go bad. Not true. Those babies dry out sooner than one would expect. One problem was that they were scattered all over the house and so I had no idea I had so many. Limiting them to a few locations would help. Glue sticks were not the only heavily stocked item. I have 12 bottles of bath wash. Not a big deal except for the fact that no one in my family uses bath wash. I also have this funny thing with the number 3 when I comes to home decor items. If I find a container I love I will often will buy three. After all you never know when you'll have a dinner party that will require you to decorate a really long table.
Fine fine-I like to buy in bulk whether it's 3 or 50 and I have a hard time buying one of something especially if it's on sale. What's the saying like mother like daughter. In my case it's more like mother-in-law like daughter-in-law. In the end the extras are what's killing my budget.
I buy items I think I will use. This is particularly apparent when it comes to my art and craft stash. There is something to be said about having the right equipment and there are some supplies I absolute need like paint, brushes, pins and needles, but I don't need 5 different kinds of paint trays when all I really like to use is a plastic dinner plate. In the art vein I also like to hold on to items I plan on re-purposing. Which is OK except I often can't get over the seeming brutality of deconstructing one item for the use of another. Silly I know. It's like having a stash of wonderful ribbon, which I do, and never using it. I will have to dig a little deeper to find out what that's all about and I guess I will admit I'm be a bit of a pack rat.
I hold on to clothing items because one day I will fit into them, I will find the right pair of shoes to wear with them or they just need to be mended or altered ...yada yada. Let's be real. The idea of holding on to something you wish to fit into someday this is soooo bad for your self esteem. Especially if it's several sizes to small. There is nothing like a size 2 pair of pants hanging in your closet to make you feel like a failure. Last summer I was a size 2 but just barley. I could wear my size 2 pants but only on really skinny days when all I had consumed for three days was a diet coke. At my healthiest and happiest I'm a size 6. Boo hoo some of you might say, I would love to be a size 6, stop your pity party. I know, It's crazy but I will admit I really want to be size 2. That is what is so crazy. My reality is a very green pasture but I've always wished I was on the other side of the fence. I should know better and that size 2 is just not for me. Not because I probably couldn't get there again, but because it takes up too much energy thinking about, worrying about and trying to achieve. That energy could be put to better use like appreciating my body for what it is-a capable and healthy vessel.
As far as the other reasons I hold on to clothing I need to be honest with myself. How much time do I want to invest in mending or altering or finding the perfect companion piece for a particular item? I spend so much time as it is just caring for the clothing I do wear. There's the washing, the folding, the ironing, and then the putting away into drawers and closets that are, to be honest, overcrowded. There's a problem if your drawers are stuffed so full that all the clothes in the bottom never see the light of day. Some days I want bigger closets or more drawer space, but the truth is I have more than enough space and what I really need is to get rid of things I don't use or want. All of my unworn clothes equals waste and indulgence.
I've also realized we just have a lot of stuff. Books we will never read, manuals we will never study from, adapters and cable cords that no longer have any use. Paint cans with dried up paint, medicine that's years past expiration, stuff from college with little or no meaning, games that haven't been played in years. And the list goes on and on.....
The other day while looking around at the piles scattered around the house I couldn't help but realize the tremendous wealth I possess in this world. Not because what I have is really nice or expensive but simply because-I have a lot of stuff! All this "stuff" means I not only have an abundance of material things but I'm richly blessed with opportunities, experiences and choices-all in overflowing abundance. I'm a lucky girl!
Cleaning not only make me feel extremely grateful; it makes me actually want to want less.
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